Awk Toe Bur

I get disproportionately excited about Halloween and fall and, well, just about anything that fits into the month of October. Sure, it's sad to see summer end, but that's what we have September for: to be depressed as we nail the coffin shut on sunshine, general happiness, campfires, swimming and being able to walk around without wool socks inside of one's apartment because her Illinois resident landlord controls the heat.

But by October, I get over all that. Because. Ah. I start thinking about what I'm going to get people for Christmas, but I'm not yet stressed out about it, because I have a quarter of a year left before the Santa ho ho ho's me into a full-fledged panic attack. (“What if someone just shows up at my house with a present for me? Maybe I don't consider them a gift-giving friend, but they're ready to put me in their will? I should buy a few gifts to have around the house just in case so I don't make anyone feel bad. Like a couple bottles of wine from the local winery. Reasonably priced, but still trendy because it's all local and stuff. I have trendy friends. They'll like that and love me for being so darn, stinkin' considerate. But what if I have a bottle of wine laying around for this... And someone comes over with a beautiful fruit and cheese platter for me... And I run to grab their custom gift... And he or she is a recovering alcoholic or under the age of 21 or pregnant or Mormon? Or maybe his or her mother was stomped to death in one of those giant grape-mashing barrels and the thought of wine brings him or her to tears? Scratch that off the list, Trisha, you insensitive boob! Do you want everyone to hate you?!) But, like I said, I'm not going to stress out about Christmas until later. Now is the fun part of Christmas shopping, which is window shopping. It's free!

Pumpkin carving is another pinnacle of October enjoyment for me. I'm twenty three years old and I don't think I've ever missed a year of carving. Mind you, I'm not very good at it. Moreover, I have to use the kiddie pumpkin carving tools with the rounded edges because otherwise I'd most certainly lose a finger. But I have fun. It's so liberating thrusting your hand down into an ice-cold cavern of squishy pumpkin goo and yanking out its guts, imagining I am performing some sort of odd pumpkin-sacrificing ceremony to appease the pumpkin gods.

I love the apples. I'm dehydrating a whole bunch right now in my Ronco As Seen on TV dehydrator, which I was teased for purchasing. Jokes on them, because they're still spending fortunes on store dehydrated fruit!

October makes me feel homey as well. It's hard to explain, but I imagine it's the feeling pregnant ladies get when they're nesting. Suddenly, I want to do strange things like regrout my shower tiles and stay in my pajamas while making rice pudding on the stove and crocheting scarves that I will probably never wear.
But the all-time most enjoyable and important part of October, of course, is at the end. Halloween is a lifestyle. Once a year I can look around the room at people dressed up like ghouls, monsters and zombies and think, “these people aren't half bad.”

I usually get stoked about picking out a costume. However, I went a little over my budget last year with my Carmen Miranda costume, so... I will probably be Carmen until I either die or change weight too much to fit into it. Whatever comes first. Hopefully the fruit hat will hold up. Without the costume to make, I still find myself especially gleeful to know the holiday is approaching. I want to throw a party and serve peeled grapes and call them eyeballs. Most people can only get away with that once a year. This is it. Also, I have to redeem myself for the party I threw last year. I accidentally and forcefully threw a Kit Kat bar into a girl's drink who I didn't know so well. It splashed all over her. Yeah... That was sort of unfortunate. I was trying to make sure the candy was evenly distributed. Throwing Kit Kat bars across my jam-packed living room seemed like a good idea at the time... This year I will only throw eyeballs while inebriated from "spooky punch."

Fall used to be something I really, truly despised. It was synonymous with homework and getting cooped up inside. Now that I'm out of school and can leave the house after dark, it's rapidly turning into one of my favorite seasons. Now to go pick out a pumpkin and buy a green bunch of eyeballs.